Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
