I didn't shave. On purpose
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
