I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
