how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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