Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
