don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
