i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
