I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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