he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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