I like my sex mixed with concussions.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
