Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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