I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
