I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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