I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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