Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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