Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
