hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
