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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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