Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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