i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
