isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
