How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Two words: nipple clamps
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