Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and she was petting her beer can
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
