It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
