I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
