I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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