i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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