Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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