At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
