he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
