oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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