not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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