just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
