I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
