dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
