this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
