i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
