Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Randomize
