D3 body, D1 cock
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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