Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
