I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
