Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
