Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Small penises have feelings too.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
