I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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