I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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