we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
