If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
