I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
