I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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