Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
