First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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