Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
