what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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