I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I won the penis lottery.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
