my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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