So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
