Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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