It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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