And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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