meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
