Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
