does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
