i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Acid is not a monday night drug
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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