I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
