its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
