I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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