The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
