So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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