how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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