Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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