UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
