You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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