i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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