Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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