Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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