After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
