if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
